Tag Archives: coconut oil

A Lubricant By Any Other Name…


A lube by any other name would still get the job done….right? I have had the opportunity in the past few months to use several different substances for lubrication and would like to take this post to review the pros and cons of each.


Usage: Hand job, use prompted by proximity to the dinner table (More Buttah! blog post)

Pros: Very slick. Usually have on hand (ha). Seeing a stick of butter got me wet for days afterwards. Provides lots of fodder to use in flirty text messages.

Cons: Smells and tastes like movie theater popcorn (I guess that could be a pro as well). Giving a blowie awhile later was like licking a butter stick. Can leave grease stains on clothes, chairs, carpet, concrete.

Coconut Oil

Usage: Hand jobs, anal, prostate play.

Pros: Will not clog arteries. Is cheaper than traditional lube. Leaves skin very soft. Does not get sticky, has a slick but also moisturized feel. Odorless and tasteless. Lasts a long time, does not evaporate or absorb quickly. Melts quickly because of low melting point.

Cons: Boyfriend sometimes brings it from the kitchen on a fork. Can also leave grease stains. When wiping after anal there is quite a bit of mess because it is not quickly absorbed into the skin. Can be very runny when warm.

JO H2O Water Based Lube

Usage: Hand jobs, anal, prostate play, toys, nipple play.

Pros: Thick and moderately viscous. Not silicon based so safe for toys and condoms. This is the best product I have used for toys because it kind of sticks onto them instead of just running off. It is also great for nipple suckers because it gives them a great seal. Washes out of clothes, sheets, and pillowcases with water.

Cons: Tastes awful if you’re planning on any fellatio or cunnilingus in the near future. Gets sticky quickly when giving hand jobs. Can be expensive, unless you buy it in bulk.


Usage: Hand job in a pinch.

Pros: Smells like summer. Can protect dick from UVA and UVB rays. Slippery but not runny. Looks like he is covered of jizz, which can be kind of hot. Good viscosity but can be absorbed relatively quickly so you have to reapply or use a lot.

Cons: Impossible to give head afterwards without a scrub down. Smell can permeate the entire room for several hours.


Usage: Hand jobs, anal, prostate play, masturbation, toys, fingering, nipple play.

Pros: Readily accessible. With deep throating it can be very thick and slippery. It feels sexy when evaporates off the nipples and cools them off. Can seal nipple suckers on, but you need a lot of it.

Cons: Dries quickly. Can be very viscous and runs down quickly. Can be slightly hard to produce after prolonged play or if dehydrated. Sometimes is not slick enough for huge dildos. Often leaves drips from mouth to destination. Dries too quickly for prostate play, finger removal can be painful.

Squirt Fluid

Usage: Coitus, anal, masturbation.

Pros: Washes out with water and doesn’t show up with black light. Can be copious in amount. Natural alternative to putting synthetic lube in your body. Sexy if the guy is into it, awkward if he is not (A Cluster-Fuck… And Not In A Good Way! blog post). Usually a crowd pleaser. Feels amazing!

Cons: Unpredictable in quantity and spraying direction. Not every girl knows how to do it even though they are probably physically able. Need g-spot warm up before I’m ready to squirt. Hard to come by after prolonged sex play or dehydration. Dries quickly and is very runny.  If left unwashed then clothes and bedding can smell like crotch rot. Mattress protection is needed. Sometimes is too runny for anal. Does not make cuddling fun post-coitus if the wet spots are taking up most of the bed. Sometimes involves too much clean up to commit to do during solo masturbation.

Gold Bond Advanced Healing Lotion

Usage: Hand jobs, anal.

Pros: Thick. Moisturizes skin well. Can be very good for anal because it is thick and slimy.

Cons: Absorbs too quickly during hand jobs. Gets sticky and friction-y almost immediately. Cannot go from hand job to blowjob without washing it off because the taste is awful and makes your tongue feel odd. Relatively expensive compared to other options, wouldn’t recommend this one.

Well…that was…awkward…


It started with a text. It ended far more awkwardly.

“Bend you over my bed and ram my hard cock into your tight pussy. Back and forth slamming it and out while I pull on you hair and spank your ass making it red. Then have you bounce up and down on my dick while I suck and bite those big titties. Then titty fuck you until I shoot a load of hot white cum all over your face and tits.

Fast forward to a few days later when my boyfriend, Dean, and I got together. I showed up at his house. He answered the door in a towel. I went inside and we embraced as per usual. Then I bent over to look at his fish tank. He recently set it up and I love aquariums. Apparently when I bend over anything that’s his cue to start sexy time….it happens a lot. He bent over me and started kissing my neck and ear lobe, which gets me wet in no time flat. Then he rubbed my ass vigorously as he began to prepare it for the quick slaps that I enjoy so much. Soon my clothes were on the floor and he was entering my dripping pussy from behind. We fucked as I watched the water in the fish tank slosh back and forth.

Soon we moved to his bedroom. He laid me down and my ass was on the very edge on his bed. He re-entered me and began thrusting deeply again. He does magical things with the fingers while in this position. I started squirting on his dick and thighs. He got the squirt towel and we moved further onto the bed. After some not so sexy positioning with a pillow and the squirt towel he pushed his hard dick into my vagina once again. He bent over me and started to lick and bite my nipples, which makes me squirt like a fire hydrant. After a few minutes of this he pulled out and got the coconut oil which means one thing….anal.

Instead of the usual, which is when we start on all fours and then eventually flip over on my back while he is plowing the back 40. He smeared the coconut oil in and around my anus. Then he slathered it on his rigid dick. He guided his dick into my ass and as he thrusted in balls deep he grabbed both of my hands to hold… he’s a big fan of holding hands during sex. He was perfect, the perfect depth, the perfect speed, the perfect amount of umph, that extra push, at the end of each thrust. Very soon both of us came in a rush of fluids.

Fast forward about 4 hours, after a movie and an amazing blow job. I laid on my stomach on his bed and Dean came in and snuggled with me. He ended up laying on top of me which is a new. I love it when he spoons me and nuzzles my neck. He has been doing this thing in which he kisses, bites, and then “grrrs” on that soft spot right behind my ear. It’s heavenly! I also get so hot and bothered when he does it. Soon he was rubbing my entire body. I told him that he needed to take care of me since he was responsible for my turned on state.  He quickly applied himself to getting me off.

I was on my knees, shoulders on the bed and my hands massaging my nipples. He started playing with my clit. He quickly inserted a few fingers and was working my g-spot exactly how I like it with the fingers…hard, deep, and quick. He bent down to begin rimming me and then it happened… I came and I came hard. Unfortunately, when all of my muscles contracted ALL of my muscles contracted. I squirted which he enjoys but I squeezed out a huge fart. I was mostly mortified because his face could not have been any closer to my loose anus and let’s face it farts are at best unheard and unsmelled. This was definitely not the former and probably not the latter. That pretty much killed the mood for me. He was a perfect gentleman and assured me that it was because of the anal earlier, that it was completely his fault for pushing air up there with the hard anal, and that it was absolutely smell free. Very sweet of him, but also did not make me any less embarrassed. When he was cuddling and whispering reassurances about how I fart rainbows and unicorns all I could think about was how I wished I had eaten less cauliflower over the last few days. Next time, oral first… then anal.