A lube by any other name would still get the job done….right? I have had the opportunity in the past few months to use several different substances for lubrication and would like to take this post to review the pros and cons of each.
Usage: Hand job, use prompted by proximity to the dinner table (More Buttah! blog post)
Pros: Very slick. Usually have on hand (ha). Seeing a stick of butter got me wet for days afterwards. Provides lots of fodder to use in flirty text messages.
Cons: Smells and tastes like movie theater popcorn (I guess that could be a pro as well). Giving a blowie awhile later was like licking a butter stick. Can leave grease stains on clothes, chairs, carpet, concrete.
Usage: Hand jobs, anal, prostate play.
Pros: Will not clog arteries. Is cheaper than traditional lube. Leaves skin very soft. Does not get sticky, has a slick but also moisturized feel. Odorless and tasteless. Lasts a long time, does not evaporate or absorb quickly. Melts quickly because of low melting point.
Cons: Boyfriend sometimes brings it from the kitchen on a fork. Can also leave grease stains. When wiping after anal there is quite a bit of mess because it is not quickly absorbed into the skin. Can be very runny when warm.
JO H2O Water Based Lube
Usage: Hand jobs, anal, prostate play, toys, nipple play.
Pros: Thick and moderately viscous. Not silicon based so safe for toys and condoms. This is the best product I have used for toys because it kind of sticks onto them instead of just running off. It is also great for nipple suckers because it gives them a great seal. Washes out of clothes, sheets, and pillowcases with water.
Cons: Tastes awful if you’re planning on any fellatio or cunnilingus in the near future. Gets sticky quickly when giving hand jobs. Can be expensive, unless you buy it in bulk.
Usage: Hand job in a pinch.
Pros: Smells like summer. Can protect dick from UVA and UVB rays. Slippery but not runny. Looks like he is covered of jizz, which can be kind of hot. Good viscosity but can be absorbed relatively quickly so you have to reapply or use a lot.
Cons: Impossible to give head afterwards without a scrub down. Smell can permeate the entire room for several hours.
Usage: Hand jobs, anal, prostate play, masturbation, toys, fingering, nipple play.
Pros: Readily accessible. With deep throating it can be very thick and slippery. It feels sexy when evaporates off the nipples and cools them off. Can seal nipple suckers on, but you need a lot of it.
Cons: Dries quickly. Can be very viscous and runs down quickly. Can be slightly hard to produce after prolonged play or if dehydrated. Sometimes is not slick enough for huge dildos. Often leaves drips from mouth to destination. Dries too quickly for prostate play, finger removal can be painful.
Usage: Coitus, anal, masturbation.
Pros: Washes out with water and doesn’t show up with black light. Can be copious in amount. Natural alternative to putting synthetic lube in your body. Sexy if the guy is into it, awkward if he is not (A Cluster-Fuck… And Not In A Good Way! blog post). Usually a crowd pleaser. Feels amazing!
Cons: Unpredictable in quantity and spraying direction. Not every girl knows how to do it even though they are probably physically able. Need g-spot warm up before I’m ready to squirt. Hard to come by after prolonged sex play or dehydration. Dries quickly and is very runny. If left unwashed then clothes and bedding can smell like crotch rot. Mattress protection is needed. Sometimes is too runny for anal. Does not make cuddling fun post-coitus if the wet spots are taking up most of the bed. Sometimes involves too much clean up to commit to do during solo masturbation.
Gold Bond Advanced Healing Lotion
Usage: Hand jobs, anal.
Pros: Thick. Moisturizes skin well. Can be very good for anal because it is thick and slimy.
Cons: Absorbs too quickly during hand jobs. Gets sticky and friction-y almost immediately. Cannot go from hand job to blowjob without washing it off because the taste is awful and makes your tongue feel odd. Relatively expensive compared to other options, wouldn’t recommend this one.